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When we meet a potential love interest in person, we’re taught to look for certain red flags—like being rude to the waiter, calling incessantly or not at all, or claiming that his favorite book is The Da Vinci Code.When we’re choosing potential dates online, though, we sometimes have little more than a picture and a paragraph to go on.Some companies even offer services such as homing devices to alert users when another user is within thirty feet of one another.Some systems involve bluetooth technology to connect users in locations such as bars and clubs. These systems are actually more popular in some countries in Europe and Asia than online dating.

The funds necessary to fly 16 girls cross-country so they can sleep four to a room is nothing compared to the sums that disappear when hotly anticipated start-ups go bust. Social connections, on the other hand, are commodified: Fist bumps are mandated, “friends” are declared, and Dating Ring members provide feedback after every date to help laser-focus the next.

Maggie from New York City specified in her profile that she wanted to meet someone between the ages of twenty-five and thirty-five who lived in Manhattan, so receiving emails from sixty-five-year-old men who lived a hundred miles away was not amusing.

Someone who blatantly disregards what you’ve stated you’re looking for is simply wasting your time.

Some practiced daters have a standard letter they send to every single person they find even mildly attractive.

Someone who truly wants to get to know you will take the time to write a personalized message responding to specific items in your profile, not send a generic cut-and-paste letter saying, “Hey girl, I saw your profile and was intrigued …” Think about the hundreds of other people who’ve gotten the same letter, and decide whether you’re willing to accept only the barest minimum of effort.